Landing

So, wow, its been crazy lately.

Stress levels have been insanely high. I've had every single one of my personal little "gremlins" in my head telling me I'm not good enough, etc, screaming at me and yet, through all that, there has been sweetness, fun and connection.

I am just now landing from this year's Phoenix Fire (the big fire circle event I help organize every year). This year was a tough one. Big issues that challenge the moral compass amongst the community and I, trying to hold it all within the container of love and compassion. It's hard to listen to everyone, empathize with all perspectives and then have to make decisions that are guaranteed to upset some person or 5. oy vey!

On the other hand, the circles were magical, the staff stepped up to the plate and made things run smoothly. We said goodbye, after 10 years, to the special magical land we've called home each summer for Fire Circles. It was emotional, it was hard and I look forward to the future with enthusiasm and hopes of something different, new, fresh and magical in its own way.

I came home to getting sick. I wore my body completely out. I came home to "real life" and work. I love my job AND I've totally sucked at it lately. Not sure what to do about it and getting my act together. Self discipline is not a strong point for me. I'm searching my soul and my life for the tools and access to what can move me forward and through this wall I see before me. I know, I must reconnect to spirit and inspiration. I've lost that along the way.

It is time to seek the guidance of the Grandmothers. It is time to deepen into my connection with spirit and allow that to inspire and guide me. It is time, really, to start doing something different from what I have been doing. I'm tired, worn out and feel like I put a great deal of effort out into the world with minimal result. I feel like I am working backwards instead of forwards and that is INCREDIBLY frustrating. I feel like its all just not good enough...for me or for those around me.

Looking towards this fall, it will be time to gather the harvest. Gather my resources and prepare for the internal work of the winter. In that, I hope, I find support. Maybe even some answers.

The warmth of the fire glows inside of me. It may feel like the slightest bit of embers right now, but it is still there. It's time to heat it up, fire it up, tend the fire and make space for it to grow, to burn, to light me up from the inside out. I feel that fire, that last night and the heat of the early morning deep in my heart. Now, it's time to let it shine out.

Reborn

I am just now starting to land on this earth again after having spent a few days with one of my teachers, Mata Amritanandamayi (Ammachi or Amma for short). For those that don't know much about her, you can visit her website to learn about who she is and what she teaches. She is my inspirational example of complete and total Unconditional Loving of all people and a model of selfless service.

I have gone to her public Darshans before, where she hugs and loves anyone and everyone who come to her. I have received mantra from her, which I work with almost daily, and have been visiting her on her US tours since 2003. This was my first time on retreat with Amma at her US Ashram in San Ramon, CA.

I don't really know how to detail what my experience was all weekend. I hugged her (or she hugged me, however that works!), 4 blissful times. I also had the opportunity to be seated on the aisle when she entered the hall and got to brush her hand as she went by. I can't believe how a little split-second finger touch could leave my hand smelling strongly like roses for a long time afterwards!

All of her talks were infused with wisdom, stories and great humor. I really enjoyed the interplay between Amma and the Swami who was translating her talks. Many people brought questions to her, some of which were asked and answered publicly. She reminded us to do good, help each other out, take care of ourselves and one another and perhaps together we can all get through the troubling times ahead.

I was blessed with many opportunities to perform Seva, or service including the great honor of helping to distribute the blessed holy water at Devi Bhava (click here for a video about Devi Bhava). I also washed dishes, which has become a sacred service to me, and helped to manage the number signs for the darshan line at Devi Bhava.

Besides many wonderful meditations, enjoying Amma's presence and example, resting under the willows by the pond, laughing at jokes, meeting old and new friends and being fed dinner by Amma's own hands, the most important moment on this visit was when Amma blessed me by naming me a spiritual sanskrit name. I feel so honored that she 'saw' me and named me for what she sees inside of me. She blessed me with the name Jyotirmayi (Jyoti for short). Ask me and I will tell you more!

So, thank you, thank you Amma. In my devotion to you and what you bring to this world and this time......here is a video of the arati to Amma, Mata Amritanandamayi:



Namah Shivaya

On The Road - Part 4: Taiwan Longshan Temple

The last day in Taiwan, our flights left quite late in the day. ‘The girls’ (Rae, Nitta, & Sandy) took Jordan and I on a little morning adventure in Taipei before our flight.

First, we went to the Longshan temple. As you can see this is quite a beautiful temple in the city and besides being well known in and of itself, it is also known as the temple near to the snake alley night market I mentioned in one of my earlier posts.

I am so glad that the girls went with us to Longshan because they knew all of the rituals and traditions for visiting the temple. The temple really wakes up and feeds all of the senses. For starters, in the entrance courtyard, there was a spectacular koi pond with waterfalls. This beautiful view created a sense of peacefulness when you walk in as well as forming a sonic container from the business and noise of the street right on the other side of the gateway. I truly love water gardens and Koi ponds! There were quite some magnificent and large koi, just relaxing under the rushing of the waterfalls above.

Past the courtyard, we entered into the next layer of the temple to be assaulted with the thick smoke and smell of burning incense offerings. All around the temple were offering bowls with sticks upon sticks upon sticks of the burning incense. In the center of the temple, was a shrine with the main Buddha statue surrounded by handful of smaller shrines on the perimeter. The girls had us each get a handful of large incense sticks that we would then use for our offerings at each shrine. There apparently was an order in which to make our offerings. I never quite found out or knew how the girls knew which way to go but we followed their knowing lead.

Different shrines were dedicated to different purposes and the girls instructed us as to what kinds of wishes and prayers to offer at each location. Once we made our wishes we were to leave a stick of incense at the burner in front of that shrine. One Buddha we were told is where all the mothers and students go to ask for passing marks before big exams and tests. Another one was to ask for abundance of children and fertility (we passed that one quickly, simply offering our incense with no wishes!) One of the last ones was for asking for the partner you wish to marry. I was instructed to whisper my name, birthday, and a very detailed description of what I wanted. In that case, of course, should my wish come true, I was told I would have to come back and thank the goddess. We’ll see what happens…..!

Each shrine was so intricately detailed with gold, carvings, paintings, offerings and lights. There was so much for the eyes to take in, I felt quite overwhelmed with it all. The smell of the incense ever present and the sounds of people whispering prayers and clacking ‘question blocks’ (for lack of a better term). These blocks were two little wooden pieces that you us to ask a specific question to the Buddha. Basically you pose your question, and toss the blocks. Depending on how they land, the answer is ‘yes’, ‘no’ or ‘undecided’. Along one wall were fortune tellers offering to read your numbers or your palms for a small fee.

Besides the massive input to the senses, I found my heart very moved as I offered my prayers. I spent some time considering the question of what exactly I wish to pray for and the answer always came back the same:

Om Lokaha Somastaha Sukhinu Bhavantu
Om Lokaha Somastaha Sukhinu Bhavantu
Om Lokaha Somastaha Sukhinu Bhavantu
May all beings in all times and all places be free from suffering and know deep deep peace.

I recall feeling tears in my eyes at one point as I felt the depth of that prayer in my heart. Why should I ask the universe for just me? What I want of life, don’t we all want?

It was hard to walk away from the temple. I felt like I could have sat there all day praying and wishing…..but alas, we moved on!

Next the girls took us for a quick bite of lunch. Here we are enjoying our meal, which was the Wa Guei I mentioned in one of my earlier posts about food. Say hi to the camera!!

After a quick lunch, we went into one of the markets, this one being a food market. Talk about a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT attach of the senses!! There were so many smells, fish and meats and fruits, and people, fried foods, grilled foods, etc. The sites were also something to behold. Any part of a fish or pig or foul that you could imagine can be found in the markets like this. As we walked down the narrow alleyway, there would be giant fish and pig heads watching us. Full pork legs with the hoof and all laid out on the butcher counters. Of course, like visiting Chinatown in any major city, there were many many ducks and chickens hanging in the shop windows. One shop even provided some helpful education as to the various types of chicken one might find around the world!

Finally, to end this adventure and head back to the hotel and finally to the airport, we took a brief walk to the subway. Here, like NYC and probably many cities, there was the excitement generated by spectators watching the men play games on the benches near the station. I climbed up on a bench to get a view.

And now, we take our subway ride back to the hotel. Rae, don’t lose your subway token being silly!

All in all, our trip to Taiwan was a good example of the old saying; Work Hard, Play Hard. I really treasure the opportunity to experience different parts of the world. For the full selection of photos I took on this trip, go to my Photobucket Album.

Stay tuned for future “On The Road” blog installments…..next stop…Hainan, China!

On The Road - Part 3: The Show

Of course, the purpose of our trip to Taiwan was to perform. Our schedule was pretty standard for a tour schedule, pretty brutal for a normal human being's schedule.

We had 4 shows ... in 4 days ... each in a different city in Taiwan.

The first day was of course the most treacherous. Our Magic road cases with all the props and equipment were slow to arrive at the theatre and it was the first day with the technical crew, who only spoke Chinese. Thank goodness for Jack who was Taiwanese and had very good English. He was our sound crew and often technical translator to lighting crew, spotlight operators, curtain operators, and the volunteer setup/breakdown crews each day. We had less time that first day to do the most work.

Of course, we had a few bumps in the road along the way. They started early with our first tech meeting the night I arrived in Taiwan (after over 14 hours of air travel). "We don't have Rosco colors, only Lee and those are limited. We don't have the colors you said. What colors do you want? Those? We don't have those either." We had multiple instances of lights with no frames to hold the color, and basically had to entirely redesign the show daily rather than load in the same show each place and go. The day we loaded into an analog run theatre with our digital equipment was fun. I ran the two-scene preset board(like in the old high school days) while our tech ran the little bit of moving lights and par cans we had on the digital board. Getting the levitation unit and road cases in out of schools and libraries always had its challenges and finding out what curtains, borders, etc were available to us was always an interesting adventure.

I worked mostly with this guy, he was our wonderful head lighting technician. He led the crew each day with our hang and focus in addition to running the lights each night. There are certain things that are universal no matter the language and from what I experienced, when you work with professionals in your field, we all think the same. There were many times when I would give instruction to our translator (who was not a technician, per say), she would relay the information and he would then start to say why it was impossible to do. Before she could translate back, I usually had a good idea of what he was saying and was starting to give instructions for an alternate. Needless to say, words like "Tieng" which meant "STOP!" were useful, and I think that as much as I learned to say "Red, Blue and Pink" in Chinese, they learned the english version. Apparently the concepts of a "Standby" versus a "Go" don't translate so well. I spent a good bit of energy spewing commands like "no, i didn't say go....wait, don't go back now that you went there...wait, but...go! go! hurry! go! you missed it!" However, by the last show, everyone understood what "standby" and "go" meant.

Our schedule was basically show up to the theatre early AM, load in, hang lights, focus, setup everything, do a technical run-through, take a short dinner break (mostly while audience was already starting to arrive), perform, breakdown, drive anywhere from 2-5 hours to the next city that same night, land at the hotel, sleep and do it all over again! And again, and again, and one more time! This kind of schedule works best when we all chip in and help with everything. I really enjoyed learning where the magic props all stored and quickly had my 'roadcase' that I was responsible for. Jordan was awesome with pictures of each case and how it packs. Much like sailboats, everything has a place and it does not work right if that map isn't followed exactly.

As they say, "Practice makes perfect" and by the time we hit the last show in Taipei, we had a mostly well-oiled machine. That theatre was in the Dr. Sun Yat Sen Hall and is the second largest theatre in all of Taiwan. It was a boggling space considering we had started in smaller school theatres and such. The view from the control area is shown here. Jeff, Abbi and Jordan looked like tiny little ants on the stage from that vantage point, but luckily for the audience there was live video feed projected with zoomed in closeups. That show was loads of fun because we could really stretch our legs with effects, rock n'roll and the subtler cueing rather than just trying desperately to get the show plugged in.
















Not only did Jeff, Abbi and Jordan perform onstage, but they also did strolling closeup before the show as well as greeting audience members in the lobby.





Part of each show was the time before, after and during intermission that we were selling merchandise. This was also a time that Jeff would sign autographs and take pictures. I really enjoyed watching the excitement on the audience members' faces to get to meet Jeff, Abbi and Jordan and take pictures with them. Although it's tiring after a two-hour performance, I think Jeff enjoys it too, as evident in this picture taken in Hsin-Chu. After the show, there was usually a madhouse scene with people clambering over each other to get to Jeff. Without a doubt, every show had at least one local magic club group who all had their very own decks of cards and memorbilia for signatures. Our last performance, in Taipei, had a particularly impressive crowd, who formed an organized line all around the HUGE lobby of the building to get autographs. Jeff and I were also amused by the 'paparazzi' of people crowding in to take pictures that night, as you can see in my picture of their pictures.
Jordan also looked like he had fun meeting fans, signing autographs and taking pictures.
Overall, after all that, the ups the downs, the challenges and the adrenaline rush's, I can't wait to do it all again! There is nothing more satisfying than watching the audience light up at a surprise or reveal , or being in the groove of the rock and roll at the end of a show.

On the Road- Part 2: Eat Eat, Make You Strong

Each day we are in a different city around Taiwan and pretty much in the theatre all day long, so lunch and dinner are brought to us. These lunch and dinner boxes (Bien Dang) come in little cardboard and balsa wood boxes, half with rice and half with other goodies. We usually get a piece of fried chicken or some soup on the side along with our box.

Yesterday, in Taichung, I open my dinnerbox and begin to quietly eat my dinner before I run back to the tech table to review cues (only moments before the house opens). Some yummy bok choy, some rice, and then suddenly, I look at the next bite on my chopsticks to realize there is the eye of a tiny guppy-like fish head looking up at me! (kind of like those shown in this picture I took in a market)

um.......Vegetarian Please??

In Taipei, we missed the night market that is known for having food stalls of snake items, such as snake soup. "Oh, good for you. Make you strong." Says Jack, our sound guy, who's relative owns one of these stands. He said to just drink the soup and not eat the meat, but you get to see his cousin cut the snakes open.....oh great!

There were certainly some fun and interesting food experiences as well and although I definitely need a break from chinese food, I still love it, especially now that I know about the traditional ways things are prepared.

After our performance in Kao-Shiung, we were all starving hungry and had a 4 hour drive to the next city and our hotel. It was voted to stop at a Taiwan McDonalds, or McCafe. Most things are the same, although they have more chicken options and less burger options than the American version and they had somehting called a Rice-Burger. This was basically a burger on a bun made out of rice patties rather than bread. I didn't try it as I was not up for risking a burger over chicken. I wouldn't even risk having a burger at a Micky D's in the US, for that matter! They were also really nice at the McDonald's and gave us all green tea iced tea to drink while we waited for our order to be completed. Jeff, finish the sentence....Quarter...... ;)

Our last night in Taiwan, after the very successful Taipei performance, our hosts took us out to Hong Kong style Cantonese dinner. What a delicious meal! I had Kiwi Juice for the first time, yummy! They also had some yummy vegetarian lettuce wraps, dumplings and spring rolls, soup, etc. Lots of joking around and laughing, a little magic at the table, it was definitely a fun and good time had by all and wonderful to sample some really delicious chinese food too!


The last lunchbox that I had, there was a completely delicious green vegetable that I had to ask what it was. You know, asking what something is can be a daring question, often answered with just "eat it, its good for you!". This, however, I was told were flower buds called Jin Zhen. Some research later told me that these were young green lily buds. The girls took us to the market on our last day in Taipei and there I got some dried Jin Zhen (which are yellow or orange). You can actually find these dried lily buds in your local asian markets and I have found out that they are often put into hot & sour soup or moo shu pork (muxiu pork). I can't wait to try out the recipe Nitta gave me for lily bud soup. Yummy! While at the market, we saw many shocking food stalls with all shape and form of animal parts - pig hoofs, whole ducks and chickens, LARGE fish heads, etc. The girls had us taste sugar cane juice, which was cool and refreshing (I have actually had this in Hawaii as well, with just a touch of lime juice add -- soo good!) I also picked up this powder that is made from dried plum, sugar and salt used to dip your fruit in. So yummy!

The girls also took us for a lunch of Wa-Guei, which I don't really know how to explain. This was basically a thick pudding pressed into a bowl with a delicious sauce on top. The pudding had bits of shrimp and meat in it and was so thick a fork would stand up straight in it. Made me think a little bit of bread pudding. The Wa-Geui was served with a yummy soup reminisceint in flavor of vietnamese pho soup with the cilantro and bean sprouts. In the soup were fish meat balls which were ok, but I only had a couple.

This entire trip has certainly re-inspired me to have my dim-sum party at the Chinese New Year that I have dreamed about for a number of years. Now that I have some taiwanese friends to ask for recipes and advice and I have tasted some delicious sticky rice, chicken soup dumplings, cha siu bao, siu mai, etc I have great ideas for the party!

I think eating these things makes you strong. Strong of will for how daring and adventuresome you can be! I certainly feel stronger for having tried some of these various dishes and more willing to 'risk it', to a certain degree, in the future. It was certainly worth every moment of the adventure!

On The Road - Part 1: Taipei

Here I am, writing while on tour for a few days with Jeff McBride's show in Taiwan. I have many more pictures, but this is a good smattering along with what I did and saw.

After a loooong 14-hour flight from LA, we arrived to great excitement and large welcome by our hosts here and brought to our hotel in downtown Taipei.

And fast asleep I was........zzzzzzz.

Day one in Taiwan and we have a free day in Taipei. We met with Georgia Lee, a local artist and magician that Jeff has a connection with. She took us first to the National Palace Museum. Basically, when the communists took over China, the chinese government fled to Taiwan and took with them all the most precious treasures. The artifacts were hidden in the mountain and are now on display at the museum. From what I understand, this collection is so large and comprehensive that it would take them 40 years to display it all if they switched out the displays every day. It is very reminiscent to the MET. It takes days to see it all. We had an extremely entertaining guide who told us all about the jade, bronzes, and carvings we saw. Jordan and I also wandered around a little bit more after the tour. Unfortunately you can't take photos inside, however the outdoors are beautiful as well, as you can see.

We learned how to identify the images of animals. There are two large eyes, a line in the middle for a nose. Anything at the line above are horns, eyebrows, tails or ears and anything at the line below are mouths and "craws" (claws). This particular face was on the bell outside. Bells were one of the first instruments in China.

So, after we finished at the museum, with a light dim sum lunch, Jordan and I headed to the "Riverfront". This place was like a cross between the Jersey Shore boardwalks and Chinatown. What a strange combination of amusemnts, tourist shops, foods, and fishermen. Once thing we noticed was the mixtures and kinds of smells in Taiwan as you pass different food stalls. There is a strange curiosity about the smells, not always enticing, but they make you wonder. You can't see it in the photo, but the mountain across the river here is called QuanYin Mountain, named after the goddess of compassion.
Along the way, there were a few beautiful temples with gold and colorful carvings, incense burning and this one had some explanation about it in English!

We also came across a little puppet show, as shown on this video.

Back to the hotel for a quick rest. Jordan and I had a Cantonese style Chinese dinner in the hotel with some dumplings, beef with rice noodles, spring rolls and sweet corn egg-drop soup. They had some of the traditional dishes such abalone dishes, shark fin dishes and even birds nest soup, but we were not feeling quite that adventurous! Either way, it was quite yummy! We especially liked the dumplings that have chicken soup right inside the dumpling - mmmmmm! I found it interesting to have the egg drop soup, it is very different from how we have it in the US and very delicious!

Finally, to finish off our evening, we decided to head to one of the night markets. Multiple people suggested Shihlin night market over the market at Longshun Temple, so off we went. This was like a jam packed GIANT flee market with food vendors and clothing, shoes, jewelry, belts, bags, etc. We each picked up a few gifts for some of you and ourselves and enjoyed walking through and taking in the sight. The smells and foods here were certainly.....interesting.

So here I am exhausted and filled with my first taste of Taiwanese culture and city-life. I would imagine that I might like the country better. Taipei feels like a big city. Its busy, dirty and traffic-y like one. Tomorrow is a big day, up early and on the bus to head to our first show location. Who knows what will await us there between the new place and tech-ing in the show. I had better get some rest!