I have been in a deeper contemplative mood the last week or two, amongst the chaos of INSANE hours for work before the holidays.

And one thing we've been talking about a lot around the team I work with is that 2011 really feels like its going to be a phenomenal and powerful year. My way of thinking about it, I feel like I stumbled into 2010 and hit the road running without pause to vision and be intent-full. I feel like I am heading into 2011 focused, energize, excited and ready to create a new paradigm for myself and life around me.

How do you feel heading into the new year?

In addition, tonight is the Solstice; the longest night of the year. Today is the day to honor the darkness, honor the inward journey knowing that this is the way through. Now, the light will slowly increase and its time to vision forward to what light will manifest in our lives. I feel like this year's solstice has extra potency with there being a Lunar Eclipse tonight. The moon's wisdom is that of the cycles, of women's mysteries, of the phases of life from ebb to flow to ebb again. It leads me, this night, to consider how my own patterns and phases my be blinding me from my own self, my own spirit. It leads me to meditate on how, in the darkness of my soul or spirit, my shadow self makes it seem as if the light can't possibly be there. And then, from there, I know it is all a reflection of the same spirit. The light was never gone. It's all an illusion!

So, rather than contemplate what "New Year's Resolution" might be the one for this year. I inquire of you....let's share....what reflections you might have in this season. What vision do you want to create for 2011. How do you want to move through the illusion of your shadows, of the darkness, into greater and brighter light?

I know for myself...the light I am seeking is that of Balance. How can I balance heart and mind. How can I balance taking care of myself and having clear boundaries about my needs and desires while still upholding my commitments and fulfilling my sense of responsibility. I am also feeling an ending to many phases of my life, unsure what exactly will fill the new spaces created by letting go. Although I feel deep inner reflection and quietness at this time, I feel exhuberant about new ideas, new possibilities, etc. I can't wait to move my body, to commit to dancing regularly again. I can't wait to balance work and personal and even within my work, to find equilibrium between my brain, my heart and my spirit. I'm looking forward and visioning letting my priestess, my shaman, my healer, my teacher out again to connect and carry forth in my leadership. I am visioning peace, ease, grace, and joy.

Blessed Solstice, my friends,
Missy

Landing

So, wow, its been crazy lately.

Stress levels have been insanely high. I've had every single one of my personal little "gremlins" in my head telling me I'm not good enough, etc, screaming at me and yet, through all that, there has been sweetness, fun and connection.

I am just now landing from this year's Phoenix Fire (the big fire circle event I help organize every year). This year was a tough one. Big issues that challenge the moral compass amongst the community and I, trying to hold it all within the container of love and compassion. It's hard to listen to everyone, empathize with all perspectives and then have to make decisions that are guaranteed to upset some person or 5. oy vey!

On the other hand, the circles were magical, the staff stepped up to the plate and made things run smoothly. We said goodbye, after 10 years, to the special magical land we've called home each summer for Fire Circles. It was emotional, it was hard and I look forward to the future with enthusiasm and hopes of something different, new, fresh and magical in its own way.

I came home to getting sick. I wore my body completely out. I came home to "real life" and work. I love my job AND I've totally sucked at it lately. Not sure what to do about it and getting my act together. Self discipline is not a strong point for me. I'm searching my soul and my life for the tools and access to what can move me forward and through this wall I see before me. I know, I must reconnect to spirit and inspiration. I've lost that along the way.

It is time to seek the guidance of the Grandmothers. It is time to deepen into my connection with spirit and allow that to inspire and guide me. It is time, really, to start doing something different from what I have been doing. I'm tired, worn out and feel like I put a great deal of effort out into the world with minimal result. I feel like I am working backwards instead of forwards and that is INCREDIBLY frustrating. I feel like its all just not good enough...for me or for those around me.

Looking towards this fall, it will be time to gather the harvest. Gather my resources and prepare for the internal work of the winter. In that, I hope, I find support. Maybe even some answers.

The warmth of the fire glows inside of me. It may feel like the slightest bit of embers right now, but it is still there. It's time to heat it up, fire it up, tend the fire and make space for it to grow, to burn, to light me up from the inside out. I feel that fire, that last night and the heat of the early morning deep in my heart. Now, it's time to let it shine out.

Connection To Each Other

A friend posted this on her blog, Reason Enough, and I agree with her that it helps to feel connected. So, here we go:

Sitting... on my futon in my new 'sitting room' up in the woods.

Smelling... the sweet smell of Copal incense from Mexico (oh wait, now a cat used the litter box just as I was typing this...eeewwww!)

Listening... to my housemate and his girlfriend watching the fabulous movie "Into the Wild" and the thumping of my kitties' feet as they dash back and forth happily in their new home.

Drinking... Iced tea (that I refilled after having just knocked it off the arm of the futon - oops!)

Reading... the Mists of Avalon series by Marion Zimmer Bradley

Also Reading... Where the Hell Is Matt? blog and inventory lists for work - ugh

Loving... living up in the hills a little bit, preparing for a new phase of my life

Dreading... financial crunch, the future of the US economy

Eagerly anticipating... What might be just around the corner that is yet to be known, world change, the success of my latest percolating vision on my gifts for this lifetime.

Worrying... that I don't live fully in gratitude and unconditional love; that I am missing chances to make change and help people; if we are going to completely ruin this beautiful place in which we live.

Wishing... to live comfortably and easefully, people could spend more time honoring each others strengths, listening to each other and helping out, for a home that is my own to live in and share with others

Praying... that all being on all planes, in all places and in all times may be relieved from their suffering and know deep deep peace.

Grateful... for every moment and being in my life; for my abundance of love and joy

Sharing... my heart, my smile, my dreams, my compassion, kindness and these thoughts

Amazing Psychic Healing

A&E just started running a new hit series called Psychic Kids:Children of the Paranormal last week. Last night's episode, Fear Management, featured a family who are very dear friends of mine from Las Vegas.

I was so excited to see Morgan and Brad along with their parents, Marsha and Craig on the show teaching us all about the amazing Indigo, Crystal and Rainbow children on this planet right now. I was so proud of the example they set about embracing empathic and psychic abilities and how to use those gifts to affect change and healing in the world. They offered such great confidence and support to the other family on the show and helped let other psychics and empaths know that they are not alone in this world.

Marsha has a wonderful organization, Indigrow, which supports families with psychic kids by teaching parents how to deal with the challenges these kids face in today's society as well as teaches the kids how to work with and live with the gifts they have. I love her dream to create more educational experiences that support and develop these kid's talents rather than quaff them.

The following is a conversation between Marsha Calder and Sylvia Brallier, of the Tantric Shamanism Institute. This conversation is so enlightening and interesting that it is split up into a few different videos below so as to include everything:









Morgan, who is 10, has a little extra video on A&E about the energy healing she does and her work with crystals and stones. I have seen her do energetic healing work first hand and she blows me away everytime. I can't wait to see how many ways she manifests her dreams of healing the world with her gifts! Click HERE for her video

Interested in more information about energetic and psychic healing?
Are you empathic, psychic or sensitive to the emotions and energies around you?
Would you like to learn how to develop your psychic abilities?
Are you seeking greater peace, clarity and balance in your life?

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Reborn

I am just now starting to land on this earth again after having spent a few days with one of my teachers, Mata Amritanandamayi (Ammachi or Amma for short). For those that don't know much about her, you can visit her website to learn about who she is and what she teaches. She is my inspirational example of complete and total Unconditional Loving of all people and a model of selfless service.

I have gone to her public Darshans before, where she hugs and loves anyone and everyone who come to her. I have received mantra from her, which I work with almost daily, and have been visiting her on her US tours since 2003. This was my first time on retreat with Amma at her US Ashram in San Ramon, CA.

I don't really know how to detail what my experience was all weekend. I hugged her (or she hugged me, however that works!), 4 blissful times. I also had the opportunity to be seated on the aisle when she entered the hall and got to brush her hand as she went by. I can't believe how a little split-second finger touch could leave my hand smelling strongly like roses for a long time afterwards!

All of her talks were infused with wisdom, stories and great humor. I really enjoyed the interplay between Amma and the Swami who was translating her talks. Many people brought questions to her, some of which were asked and answered publicly. She reminded us to do good, help each other out, take care of ourselves and one another and perhaps together we can all get through the troubling times ahead.

I was blessed with many opportunities to perform Seva, or service including the great honor of helping to distribute the blessed holy water at Devi Bhava (click here for a video about Devi Bhava). I also washed dishes, which has become a sacred service to me, and helped to manage the number signs for the darshan line at Devi Bhava.

Besides many wonderful meditations, enjoying Amma's presence and example, resting under the willows by the pond, laughing at jokes, meeting old and new friends and being fed dinner by Amma's own hands, the most important moment on this visit was when Amma blessed me by naming me a spiritual sanskrit name. I feel so honored that she 'saw' me and named me for what she sees inside of me. She blessed me with the name Jyotirmayi (Jyoti for short). Ask me and I will tell you more!

So, thank you, thank you Amma. In my devotion to you and what you bring to this world and this time......here is a video of the arati to Amma, Mata Amritanandamayi:



Namah Shivaya

Some Addictions Are Good For You

Usually when we hear the word 'Addiction', we think of things bad for you: drugs, alcohol, sex, television.....chewing nails (ahem!). I think I might have found something good for me, and even fun!

While in Mexico this year on our annual retreat (of which I will blog more at a later date), Billie handed me his set of spinning Poi to play with on the beach one day. For those of you who don't know what poi spinning is, if you have ever seen people spin little balls of fire at the end of a chain around their bodies, this would be what I am talking about.

Around the circle, I have seen people spin fire poi, fire staff, fire fans, flag poi, etc for quite some time. The Poi in particular always seemed like something that I would totally LOVE, and I do! Once in my hands, spinning poi was like a fish to water for me. I now have my own set of LED poi and practice at least an hour if not more a day!

So, yes, this addiction takes some of my precious time away from doing things I should be doing (like working), however it is getting me off the couch, on my feet, moving my body and working out my upper body every day. What could be better?! (Well, okay, don't answer that :) )

Below is a video from YouTube of someone spinning LED poi like the ones I got. I can only hope I spin this well some day. Judging by the black and blue spots on my body...I'll need more time, but a girl can dream!

Make Your Dreams Come True

Enjoy this moving video:

The Masks We Wear

Masks are things I put on the outside
To show other people,
Or maybe to show to myself when I look in the mirror.

Heh, mirrors are interesting, too aren't they?
For another time, though.

Sometimes I become the mask.
Or, does the mask become me?

What if,
Each mask was already an inherent part of myself
that I choose to let out now and again?

All the faces are one.
The One has many face-ts.

Inspiring Poetry

In the end, only kindness matters, in the end

If I could tell the world just one thing
It would be that we're all OK
And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful
And useless in times like these
I won't be made useless
I won't be idle with despair
I will gather myself around my faith
For light does the darkness most fear

My hands are small, I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken

Poverty stole your golden shoes
But it didn't steal your laughter
And heartache came to visit me
But I knew it wasn't ever after

We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing

My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken

In the end only kindness matters

I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray

My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
We are never broken

We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's mind
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's heart
We are God's eyes

~Jewel, "Hands"

Living A Life of Purpose

I recently have caught on to the iPod craze and consequently, via iTunes, I started downloading podcasts. One particular set of video and audio podcasts that were reccommended to me were the TED Talks. These talks are actually truly fascinating and inspiring. I stumbled on the below video by Pastor Rick Warren.

I had no idea what I was about to listen to, but it moved me deeply.

What have you been given? How are you going to use those gifts to change the world?



In case you can't view this video, CLICK HERE.

Self Improvement - where is the line?

So, here is something I think about often in the quest of self
improvement and betterment:

Where is the line between wanting to be 'better' or different and
acceptance of exactly who you are right now?

How do YOU dance that line?

As we head towards the new year, there is often time taken to review
the past year and the future one. We consider what we might want to
change or improve, what did and didn't work. Often resolutions like
"lose weight", "quit smoking", "excercise more" are at the top of the
list.

I just wonder, how do I keep healthy and grow while being accepting of
who I am right now? Do I get stagnant and stuck if I love who I am now?

What do you all think?

To curl, or not to curl....that is the question

It has been quite a process over the years of my short life to come to a place where I embrace and love my curly hair rather than fight it. I can remember the feeling of dread when my mom would take me to the hairdresser for yet another embarrassing cut. I don't blame her at all, my hair was completely unmanageable. We would often pop the electrical breakers trying to blow-dry it, i used to complain when she would pull it tight into ponytails and brush out the numerous knots. I also had many years of taming the wild curls into a neat and orderly bun for ballet class with hairpins dug into my scalp and lots of dippity-doo gel to hold the strays down!

My childhood school pictures are quite entertaining, there is the 'pyramid-head' look, the short 'clown-hair', the 'poodle-bangs', and others I can't think of right now. I have the pictures of that somewhere.......

The clown hair was particularly memorable. I think my mom got fed up with dealing with my hair and determined to cut it short....real short. That night, I ran up to the bathroom and put a showercap on and wrapped a towel on top of that. I wouldn't take it off all night, for my parents or the babysitters later on!

I remember being teased in junior high for the poodle bangs. You know, what happens with curly hair when you cut it short, it poofs up. Well, I wanted bangs and bangs I had. Just like a poodle. When I would wear a ponytail with the bangs, one kid in school would call me 'the pump', like the popular sneakers at the time where you pump them full of air. He would grab the bangs and pretend to pump them to pump up my ponytail (which was also puffy and curly).

All things being said, having grown up with the last name of "Wiener", these little teases and mortifications were no big deal.

A few years ago, my mom brought me a copy of a book called "Curly Girl". This book has changed my life. I learned how to care for my curls. What makes them curly and stay curly, rather than a frizzball mess (or, if I recall my mom's phrase - a rat's nest). Once I got into the book, the next step was to go to the salon, Devachan Salon, in SoHo. What an amazing place! Filled with curly hair'd people cutting, styling and receiving. I got lessons on every step of my shower and hair care process and since then, I love my curls. I LOVE MY CURLS! and I love them in all climates, weathers, and states.

This brings me to my adventure in the mall the other day. Which, by the way, not to go off topic, I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY HAVE CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS UP ALREADY!!!!!! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO????

Okay, better now.

Where was I? Oh yes, you know how they have those stands in the middle of the mall with really annoying people trying to sell you things, lotions, makeup, dead sea moisturizer, etc? Well before the blink of an eye, these guys had me sitting in a chair in front a mirror while they talk to me about my curly hair. I guess I am sucker to learn about any new product that I can use that follows my strict curly girl guidelines. Next thing you know, they have picked out a section of my hair, clipped the rest aside and had their 'new' ionizing/steaming flat iron straightening my hair!!!! I had fun being really difficult with them *evil grin* The guy kept asking me questions assuming that I tried everything i could to straighten my hair, etc without success.

I finally turned to him and said "Look, I love my curly hair. I am happy with who I am. It took me many years to learn how to love my hair the way it naturally is."

And he just stopped, looked at me, and said "Well, I guess I don' t need to show you any more. I am glad you are happy with who you are." And let me go.

Now I have a damned straight streak in my hair!


PS: it stayed straight overnight and returned to its natural state after a good shower and conditioning. If it didn't curl back up, I was tempted to go back and tell them to make the rest straight so I don't look stupid.

Maybe straight hair could be a look for me? What do you think?